WARNING: This book contains dangerously effective professional alternatives to workplace profanity. Side effects may include promotions, office-wide fear of your emails, and the ability to make people apologize while you're telling them off. Is your office vocabulary limited to typing "per my last email" while quietly banging your head against the keyboard? Do you spend meetings mentally translating "let's circle back" into words that would make HR faint? Have you ever muted yourself on a meeting just to scream into a pillow? CONGRATULATIONS! You need this book. Multiple copies of this book. Like, one for your desk, one for your bag, and one to "accidentally" leave in the break room next to that passive-aggressive note about cleaning the microwave. "How to Professionally Say F*ck Off: An HR-Approved Corporate Translation Guide for the Professionally Exhausted" is your Rosetta Stone for converting workplace rage into language so beautiful, people might thank you for telling them off. WHY YOU NEED MULTIPLE COPIES: - One to highlight - One to keep pristine - One to throw across the room - One to give that coworker who keeps "touching base" - One for your therapist (they'll understand) - One to hide in the office bathroom for emergency situations PERFECT GIFT FOR: - The person who just got promoted to managing their former teammates (godspeed) - Your work spouse who's one "quick question" email away from losing it - That frenemy who responds to everything with meeting invites - The entire IT department (they deserve this) - Your favorite HR person (wrapped in a brown paper bag, delivered anonymously) - Everyone who's ever received an email starting with "friendly reminder" Buy in bulk! Because nothing says "I value our professional relationship" quite like helping your entire office master the art of professionally saying f*ck off.